| Just one year. |
[Aug. 24th, 2009|11:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Terrible. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Jason Mraz - Live High | ] |
I came across something that made my heart sank right to the bottom of my stomach. I feel like vomiting and just scream on top of my lungs. What happened to the law of attraction the universe promised? This is nt suppose to happen. No no way. *Deep Sigh*
I cn still turn it around right.? Just tell me i cn. Yes i can.
I know my capability of getting what i want especially if i want it bad and i really really do want it bad. I need discipline and it has got to start now. Im closing the chapter here already.
Anyway, I've been waiting fer Beyonce to come to Singapore since forever and now that she's coming, i cnt go. Maybe now i really need to scream. F1 is going to be the busiest period of the whole year in Conrad and prolly some of the other hotels. Nobody is allowed to be on leave or get an off day between the 24th-28th of September at all! I am seriously sacrificing alot fer work. I hope they sincerely appreciate it since it's also during Hari Raya. I still cnt believe im going to miss Beyonce! Urrghhhh!
Alot has been going on in my mind and i dnt think i feel good inside. I have so much to say, so much to do and most importantly, i have to do some fixing with myself. Some major fixing that requires plenty of effort and motivation. You must be thinking what in god's name am i talking about. Hahaha. Dnt waste ur time figuring it out. Absolutely pointless.
Inspirational Quote fer today: "Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says. 'Make me feel important.' Not only will you succeed in sales, you will succeed in life."
-- Mary Kay Ash
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| I'll shoot you if i cud. |
[Aug. 22nd, 2009|05:41 pm] |
When i was a child, i've always been made to think that adults are perfect, cn do whatever they want, always make the right decisions and do no mistakes. Obviously that's not true, AT ALL. I honestly think adults make more mistakes, do way more wrong and doing whatever we want bears heavy consequences we've to account fer ourselves. Growing up makes me realize being a kid is the best thing in the world. I guess that is how we human works. When we're a kid, we just cnt wait to be much older thinking its better but when we all get older, all we want is to be young, innocent and having the word responsibility nvr occur in our tiny heads.
Right now im pretty pissed with how things are going at work. Its mentally frustrating and i just wish there's a silent mode button to every individual or maybe i shud just get a gun and shoot everybody that starts talking languages only the dumb understands or basically anybody that's annoying. If you want to fuss about every single bloody pathetic thing that isnt important at all then be my guest. I wont give two flying fuck at all. Im not as bored as you people. It's so so stupid, really. If i cn do whatever i want they will prolly be dead with a bullet in the head by now.
I nearly fergot today marks the first day of our fasting month. The only reason why i can be this angry is because i cnt fast due to a very uncomfortable female monthly physical issue and maybe it contributed to some of the unpleasant angst i've been feeling these 2 days. I need to wash up and just 4@%&*3diuh48#@$93ebw4#$#!@c.! Yeah, thats what i need to do.Urghe3832@#@3! BYe! Oh and Have a great sin-free ramadan! *Breathe in, breathe out*
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 16th, 2009|11:56 am] |
There are going to be a change of plans and i cnt wait fer it. Now i give myself a year or 2 and then we see how it goes. Right now im pretty much exhausted from the lack of sleep and excess working. The usual me and i wunt be complaining because i dnt want to end up getting sick of myself. I want to love myself and so i cn start loving others and everything else along the way which is still very much on a a safe ground im happy to say. I just realised im a danger to myself when im alone. Definitely not in you know, that sort of way. I tend to roam arnd in shopping centres buying unnecessary stuffs even on a tight budget. I already spent 150 bucks in 2 days on goddd knows what! My legs just wunt bring me home after work and my hands always end up forking out cash. This is bad even though i love it. I have 2 new found hobby and that is to shop and watch movies in the cinema alone. You have more concentration and you get a nice time-out fer urself. It soothes my mind especially after a long hard day. I cnt believe i have 2 cats and 3 kittens at home. Instead of the 5 of us, now there is additional 5 more plus 2 which means my family is made up of 12 members altogether. I cnt deny its fantastic and more homely than ever. I still miss Imane badly and still waiting fer her to come back. We are like soulmates seperated by millions of miles away. And yes i am straight. I cnt be any straighter because i love men eventhough they suck at times. I'll be back again. Bye! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2009|11:46 am] |
I feel like crying because i miss Imane so much. No words cn describe how much i miss her especially her warm presence. All i want is fer her to come back home asap so that we cn do all the crazy stuffs together and talk non stop abt everything and anything. I've nvr met anybody with such a beautiful soul like her, excluding my mum of course. Not having her around makes me realise how important she has become to me. She's nt even friend anymore, but a family. A true true family i cnt imagine living without. I pray she's able to secure a job here so that she cn come back. Thinking about ramadan and hari raya with her around fer the first time ever makes me super excited.
Whenever i feel exhausted after a hard day at work, she's able to make me feel alive again with her positive energy and not just anybody can do that. I feel so thankul to have met a friend like her and its incredible how the age gap nvr fer once matter. I love you Moroccan.
Anyway i've been away fer quite awhile now and i need to start writting again. I feel good whenever i write. Not fer anybody but fer myself. I'll be back again, promise. |
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| Cut the habit! |
[Jun. 9th, 2009|04:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Lenka - Anything im not | ] |
What to do.. what to do.. So MANY things to do! In less than 3 weeks i'll be done with my attachment and im jumping with joy to take a break fer at least a month. A well deserve break i absolutely cnt wait fer. A holiday fer maybe a week, a continuous 30 hr sleep, catching up with everybody i miss, enrolling fer a car license, run some errands i have nt get the chance to do and sooo much more till i cnt even think anymore.
Did i mention that i got my first ever pedicure from Salina as a birthday treat in some shop in Far east and i was so embarrassed to even show my toe nails bcos i actually have almost none! My toe nails are as small as a chocroach egg and it took the girl just one pointed dip on my last toenail to finish things of. She was laughing painting my nails. It took her half the time to do mine compared to the rest of them. Hahah. And this is the reason why i dont do both manicure and pedicure but it was really nice though to feel pampered once in awhile. Do you think there's such thing as nails implant? If there is, I NEED IT. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 6th, 2009|04:49 am] |
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I dont think i can do it anymore even though i miss all the good times i had back then. Time has changed everything including the people in it and there's no turning back even if i want to. Its scaring me a little bcos the speed of time is crazily beyond my pace. Or maybe it's the other way around. Either way makes no difference and im struggling to regain my loss. Struggle? Now that a word i hate to use. Im starting to feel the silence i once loved and it has become very much too quiet. Im starting to hate every second of it especially when i feel so alive like a ring on fire, turn out, nobody's up fer anything. Have i been gone fer too long? Im sure that soul will come by but the days that are passing by is growing slower by the minute and the water is getting dryer. Its far far too quiet and i hate to be sure that it's completely my fault bcos i made the choices and nobody is to be blamed. But Me. |
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| Pimple, GO AWAY!! |
[Jun. 6th, 2009|04:12 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | stressed over a pimple | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Gorrilaz - Feel Good Inc | ] |
I am unimaginably depressed over my fully grown riped pimple on my nose. I cnt sleep knowing i have something alive growing, aching and actually speaking on top of my poor nose. I feel that its actually talking to me giving me constant nightmares.This is my second pimple that ever ever grew on my nose and i swear to god the first one wasnt pleasant and i hope there wunt be a third one. Urggghhhh! Im still awake at this time sitting on the bed with my laptop and a generous amount of pimple cream applied on my nose. Don't imagine, it's scary.
Soooooo today i managed to finally get my hair done and it cost me 300 bucks!! I cnt believe i spent that much cash just on the hair which, is definitely the first. All my birthday cash i got and almost all of my salary is gone with the help on shopping and fixing the hair. I dnt know how im gona survive till the end of the month but whatever it is, my hair feels SO much lighter and im absolutely happy EXCEPT about the damn pimple. And thanks gazillion fer the birthday wishes the other day. I really din think that many ppl wud even bother so thank you all again. Thank you fer the calls, msges and comments.
Is it a natural thing to feel like it isnt your birthday at all even though it is as you get older? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2009|11:32 am] |
I was in the bus otw bck home arnd 11.30pm 2 days ago and i got a call from mum saying she's leaving the house to see grandma at my aunt's place bcos she's really2 in a bad shape. She said that my aunt is already crying and the rest are reciting yaasin all around her. I immediately cried, pressed the bell and got dwn the bus at a bus stop in the middle of nowhere and flagged fer a cab. I cudnt stop crying and i was dead scared. The moment i reached there, everybody was crying and reciting yaasin all at the same time. Grandma was on the bed looking crazily pale and out of breath. My heart cudnt take it seeing her like that. I whispered at her ear that i love her so much and i weeped. I weeped uncontrollably. We were all praying fer her non stop. She cudnt even talk but i weeped even harder when she said my name out and touched my hand. I really din want to lose her. I slpet over to take care of her and i layed beside her all night and managed to sleep only at 6am. Thankfully i wasnt working on that day. With all of our prayers, she woke up feeling better. She cud talk a little bit more and i pray she will get even better. And there i was thinking i was going to lose her but deep down inside i know she dont have that much time left. All i know is that im going to make all the time left worth while with no regrets. Insyaallah. |
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| Happy Birthday handsome! |
[May. 19th, 2009|11:09 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Work's cafeteria | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Goooood | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | -None | ] |
These few days have been amazing. Brother's birthday was on the 17th. We arranged a beautiful dinner at home with all the candles and other nice settings. I made a huge homemade burger with blckpepper bacon, coleslaw and mashed potato, daddy bought 5 bottles of sparkling juice, sister did all the beautiful setting, Imane bought an american cheesecake from hilton and mommy bought fer him an iphone and made fruit custard. No doubt he was really happy. I'll upload the pictures soon or maybe when i get back home later IF i have the time or energy. Im having my break now at work. Anyhoot, the mother bought fer me an advance birthday gift and i love it like crazy! It's the new nokia express music phone and goddddd it's beautiful. Im going to take care of it like my very own baby. I cnt afford to drop and break it into pieces like how my other phone ended up to be. Now i have something to listen to everyday, finally! Boyyyyy im a happy woman. =D |
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